*Shaking my head.* All I could think of on my way to drop off the letter was that I probably won't have biscuits and gravy again once I have my surgery. And I HATE that I cared about that. I hate that I felt the need to go get biscuits and gravy and that as I ate them, I probably could have had more. I hate that I feel as though I'm always hungry. I hate that food controls so much of my day. I hate that when I eat with other people, I eat so much more than everyone before I feel full or satisfied.
I HATE the way food controls my life and that it is destroying my health.
Anyway, tomorrow I get fitted for an at-home sleep study. The results are read by a neurologist and will satisfy the pre-operative requirements set by my doctor. I know for a fact that I snore because I've been waking myself up at night, but this will decide whether or not I have apnea (probably.)
If I do, they will want me fitted for a C-PAP so that I can have it in post-op recovery. I'm not thrilled about having to wear one, but hopefully as I lose weight, I won't need it anymore.
On a side note, very dear friends of ours evacuated their homes in Charleston this last week and stayed with us for four days, waiting out the storm. While they were here, they threw a little impromptu 39th birthday party for me.
And took pictures.
And then a few days later we went and visited another of our friends in Knoxville and met their new baby.
It was a wonderful week with our friends, but all I could see were these pictures where I couldn't recognize myself. What have I become? While they were here, we went to the Zoo and my shoe came untied. I squatted to tie my shoe and almost couldn't do it because my boobs and belly wouldn't let me reach my foot. It was humiliating because I knew how I appeared to others as I struggled to tie my shoe.
I'm so ready for things to change...and yet, I still went out for biscuits and gravy today. *sigh*
Friday I get my psych eval...
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